Saturday morning I got a text from Team "Go Vegan's" Matt Burst-and-gurgler whose triathlete scum friends had deserted him for his ride.
Was I riding?
Yes I was. Get here asap and we would check out the course for the Belmont round of the PNP MTB Series.
We got 200 metres up Swetavacres Drive when Matt broke his chain... so while he lay down sobbing uncontrollably on the side the road, because now he wasn't gonna get to ride down Danzig, I mended it with my chain-breaker, which I always carry when riding with Matt, because he makes so much power, and because he is an american and he never carries tools.
We went down Stratton St (which was less technically demanding than Danzig) and up Danzig. Low and behold we ran into Marco at the top...
At this point I queried him about his course instructions which were indecipherable to anyone who was not a 3rd generation Romney lamb who had spent their entire life living in the Waitangirua Farm Forest Park.
Marco told me that my instructions were obviously wrong as there was a more up to date version available in his head, and also on the internet.
I pointed out that these printed instructions were fresh off the internet that day, so he downloaded the ones from his frontal lobe right there and then, without a usb port in sight!
Anyway, off we went to take the first hard left that went pretty much no-where so we returned back to the old coach road anyway, which was always the plan.
A few minutes later we were back on the trail to find that part of Marcos download was missing the instruction that mentioned that the park was in fact closed for lambing until... some date in the future.. that wasn't actually today...
Anyway. So faced with a choice of where to go next, and Matt's technical prowess ruling out the obvious descent of Danzig, we did the "Bridle track", which was mostly walking, as its very steep, and slippery.
I told Matt to stay away from the stinging nettle near the creek... and like a naughty child he made sure he brushed against some, which stopped him bleating about his goolies which had left a big dent in his top-tube after his chain broke.
By this time Matt and I had swapped rigs, ( I was now riding his pre-war FAT-CHANCE Buck Shaver ) and he proved to me how it WAS definitely all about the bike...
So on and on and we went and after exiting the creek we came once again upon Marco, and Hoz the Power-ranger who made Barry Crump look like a novice try-hard.
We told Marco we had just come down the Bridle Track and he said Nah thats not in the course anymore... neither is Weta or Big Chopper or Uncle Bobs Wheelie...
So with 95% of the course either out of bounds, or changed, or not in use anymore, what else could we do... We rode up to the top of the Trig then back up Danzig and down Swetavacres...
At least we got out....!